Tuesday, September 07, 2004
heart and heart is not the same...
wad rotting... stressed up this few days.. after failing my ps and obc... haix... studying my obc now... kinda of tired.. then when hopping ard to look at ppls blog.. then cam to yours... dunno why.. suddenly feel like reading yours blog all series of posts... then i finally found out why last time u nv wan to accept... y u have that vow... why this and that.. hai... i nv wan to read it last time... becos past is past... and i don wan past to come into present...
reading and reading... saw the time u are sad... so sad.... so confuse... and why i wasnt there for u... hai... im still the same me... cover by the current me... the current fuckup jason.... the lone jason... but im still myself... i still love u.... trying to get someone to tok to ytd... msg u and i don think u even care... then i say forget it... then nv msg u and i nv receive a reply from u... i was emotional ytd.... even tot i don show.. fren can see... encouraging me... but wad i receive from u is like a joke and demoralise msg... i don care who will read this... trying to give up... but fail.. i dunno why... why i fall for u... why i cant just forget u like kat... why? i am fool... fool by someone called love....
hai... but i have a bunch of frens... bro... who care even more.... they will ask why? wad happened? they can see that i not feeling gd... but i nv really wan to tok about tt... cos i dunno where to start... just answer them... "nth just feeling tired.." then i will try to change topic... im too into relationship probelm... first... it was gladys.... i don know if she care to read my blog or not... she is the first who make me fall into love... and sadded for a long time... frens then will know... i can be damn attitutde in class... in my cca.... during that period... study went down and my n lvl shld expect better result but nv... i think she affected mi until i leave the sch... which is 1yr+.... then started my new life...
a period of time is kat... but got rejected.... sadded for a while then came peiyi.... how i fall in love with her? just a sudden feeling for her.... i remember it is when i collect my o's result that day... meet ong and her with darius after collecting the result... sitting outside pasta.... suddenly i was looking or shld i say staring at her... after tt.. i just start smsin' her... chat on the msn on the fone with the other 2... then came the one week sch holi... went out with them for a outing... went parkway fish and co.! it started.. i know i fall for her liao... cant take my eyes away from her for the whole day... tt night i told her.. "wo ke yi jiu ni ma?" then she keep asking why? don joke la? then i started serious.. then she knew it is real... then nv really say anything... one first gift for her.. a dcp shirt... a dog in front... i have tt shirt also... brought it on mon when going out with them... choose orange becos she like it... and i also brought tt orange one for her... she like tt dog alot... cos cute ma... fri she and ong and her frens... came to my work place.. then i pass her tt shirt and 10$ cos she no $$ ma... lend her... she didnt use it in the end... folded a heart and keep it with her.. dunno if tt 10$ is still ard... we started chatting on the fone... one day she say she wan that ring i wearing having the "jian" word on it, something tt she can look at when she think of me... haix...
she came tt day... i was so happy.. cos like so long nv see her... but is only like 1wk or so.. forget already... i remember is i keep calling her to come de... cos i cant go find her... working ma... came down and took the ring from me... still remember is outside taka B2 entrance... put my hand in front of her face then when her hand want to push my hand away.. i went grab her hand but she push away.. funny la... in the end nv grab la.. then she leave liao.. kinda of miss tt moment.... haix.... thinking of the past... miss them and feel sad... regret of alot of thing... regret of working regret of not doing this and tt... im just an another failure...
jason sux.... that wad i feel about myself now.... i sux...
xOOx - 11:08:00 pm
